Shift Work

Today marks the 3-1/2 month mark since Keith returned from the hospital. His healing is going even better than anticipated and we've finally worked out the attendant schedule so that I can leave for the gym every day and at least lunch with friends once a week. In fact, just this morning I was thinking that now that everything was in balance, it was time for me to get a regular job. You know, the kind that comes with a desk, computer, maybe my own little cubicle. Something with regular hours and a steady paycheck. Not that I've had (or sought) that kind of job for over 15 years, but with all the chaos we've experienced this year, a little job comfort sounded good. But then the phone rang.

At approximately 1:23p Keith's afternoon attendant called in sick. He covers the 2-8p weekday shift. The morning attendant was still here, but it wasn't feasible for her to stay. So, that made me the designated attendant for today. It's not a difficult job, and I am happy to help Keith, but, damn, it's not my job. And I don't get to go to the gym or sleep (Keith was very congested last night which meant I had to suction his chest a few times). Additionally, we had a business meeting at 6p today so I played the dual role of personal care attendant and serious business person. His evening attendant arrived at 8pm which is helpful, but doesn't make up for the 6 hours missed today.

So, needless to say, the thought of a 'real job' is rather laughable in the current context. I never know when I'll be called upon to take a shift. If the attendants are new, I have to be here to supervise and, to an extent, train. And even the well-trained reliable ones get sick and have lives. A job outside the house? I've got at least 5 here: managing our home, the attendants, Keith's business life, my business life and, oh yeah, my identity beyond all that. What the hell was I thinking?

What I'm thinking is that I need to be financially productive, which, to me, means more than the unpaid backup attendant. The cost of healing is rising and I know I have valuable skills with which I can easily churn cash to not only lessen the burden but also put us ahead of the game. Before February 18, 2008 I had major projects in play and I thought they were going to be my work for many years to come. They are still there all of them big, impactful, full of personality, but not particularly personal. Now my work is nothing but personal. So, I’ll keep living the story and sharing it here. Without a doubt my job is caregiver, I am still discovering how to put the ‘h’ in that word.